


A Litany

by novakid



Series: Heart Swells [3]
Category: DCU, The Flash (Comics)
Genre: M/M, Post-Countdown, Resurrection, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26871742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novakid/pseuds/novakid
Summary: let's do this all over again. this time, with your hand in mine.
Relationships: James Jesse/Hartley Rathaway
Series: Heart Swells [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955152
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	A Litany

the first thing hartley does when james comes back from the dead is punch him square in the stomach and say, "if you ever risk your life for me again, i'll kill you myself." right before he bursts into tears. james holds him close and apologizes. he doesn't let go for a long, long time. 

the second thing hartley does is plan a road trip. 

"second verse?"

"hopefully different than the first."

there's an awkward titter between them, both unsure of how to respond to the untimely joke.

still, they go along with the plan to take an actual road trip together. it's as good a way as any to spend some uninterrupted time with each other and catch up, he thinks. and hartley needs time with james, as the memories of what happened have flared up with his return. and maybe... this will both help them cope. maybe traveling the country with each other, knowing that it's safe and voluntary, will help them reconnect in a way that isn't painful.

because even though james is back living and breathing and laughing again, he still has a few deep, ragged scars on his arm, all over his face, and the center of his forehead that remind them both of what they keep trying to forget. hartley tries not to picture what his chest might look like now; with a clean circular scar in the center of his chest... it's hard not to think about what happened, and james has already noticed hartley's nervous glances. 

yeah, they need to unwind. they need to relax and enjoy spending time together again. 

the haunting memories of their past are painful, but that's just another reason to make new ones.

* * *

james is staring at hartley on the road when he suddenly feels a swelling in his chest. 

hartley is driving. nearly entirely focused on the road, but he's also softly singing along to a song he put on their "road trip playlist". his hair is longer than james remembers it. the last time he saw it, it was shaggy but only just touching the tips of his ears. now, hartley's hair is easily past shoulder length and kept in a soft-looking green scrunchy. with white polka dots.

james can't help but smile warmly.

"all night, hung on every word until we were interrupted by the birds singing, 'oh your mask is slipping, oh your mask is slipping...'"

hartley is singing in a low voice, almost a whisper, like someone who is normally self-conscious about their singing voice. he's getting some of the words wrong and stumbles a little out of embarrassment. it's endearing, especially now. because he has _heard_ hartley sing before. nights out with his best friend, when they've gone out drinking or bowling. quiet, casual sing-songs to whatever was on the radio... or loud bellowing of songs they've both memorized from the CDs they stole. it makes james think that maybe it's been a long time since hartley sang.

"although i always made her purr like a cat, she says i never made her smile like that!"

some of the wind from the open window blows a particularly strong gust of wind in hartley's face, whipping his hair everywhere. he doesn't seem bothered; in fact, hartley seems used to it. james pulls his sunglasses up to rest on his head. he leans over after noticing a bit of hair caught on hartley's mouth. reaches over and pulls it out, then tucks it back over hartleys ear. 

then, james chimes in and sings the next line when hartley falters, "she painted my lips red so that we were both ensured. i kissed her every inch, my god, the girl looked like she burned."

for a moment, the two share a glance of shy smiles and a light dusting of red on their cheeks before turning back to face forward. hartley keeps focusing on the road and stops singing along, but his smile never drops. neither does james'.

* * *

hartley has to convince himself that no, there is no one chasing them, and they _can_ take breaks every once in a while. he forces his shoulders to release their tension after they park in front of a convenience store.

at least he's not the only one who feels this way. james seems on edge and only slowly starts to relax the more time they spend here.

they get out of the car, and james starts to stride over to the store. in a burst of pure impulse and panic, hartley reaches out and grabs james by the arm. he looks back at him, concerned. 

ugh. this is embarrassing. 

all hartley can say is, "please don't leave me alone." as if he could _feel_ any more pathetic. james agreed to come for a vacation, not to babysit. nor to feel like they were cuffed all over again.

james looks at hartley with an expression he can't quite read. in the end, he smiles and opts for teasing... which is somehow better than if he were to start worrying. "aww, you miss me that bad?" _yes. of course,_ hartley thinks. "c'mere, hart. i ain't goin' nowhere."

they enter the store hand in hand.

he eyes james carefully, trying to study whether or not james is feeling... self-conscious about holding hands with another man. after all, he got so defensive when they didn't have a choice in the matter. now that they're visibly linked by hand rather than a chain, hartley wonders what's going through james' head. 

"i could go for a slushie right about now..."

not much, by the sound of it.

james tugs hartley to the slushie machine. he lets go, only to grab two cups. one for hartley and one for james. james gets a mix of nearly all the flavours, favouring blue raspberry in particular so his tongue will change colour. hartley gets a strawberry. he doesn't fill it to the top to the point where it nearly overflows like his companion. he is probably going to give the unfinished cup to james when he's done anyway. hartley slowly wanders the aisle, staying close to james. his eyes catch a sunglasses rack full of sunglasses of all shapes and colours. many are just novelty glasses that look more annoying than they're worth, but he can't deny the cheesy charm of the martini shaped frames. 

hartley jumps when he feels a gentle hand resting on his shoulder. he whips around to see james, hitting him in the face with his ponytail in the process. 

"ow. careless."

"jackass."

"what are you looking at?"

hartley turns his attention back to the rack and pulls out a large pair of sunglasses. the frames are an obnoxious glittery gold and are shaped like electric guitars. james gasps loudly with joy and grabs them. after placing the sunglasses he already owns on hartley's head, he tries the gaudy pair on and looks in the mirror. "i look sooo good."

"you look sort of obnoxious."

"my signature style."

they leave with the sunglasses, two slushies, and a bag full of snacks and magazines.

* * *

"what have you been doing? since... you know."

"oh. well. i guess i've completely reformed."

"yeah?"

"yeah."

"like the whole shebang?"

"pretty much. i tried my hand at being a vigilante but... i don't think i'm any good at that."

"why not? you made a kickass rogue."

"yeah, but..."

"and you liked helping people!"

"i'm not arguing these points. i just have a hard time fitting in." 

"yeah?"

"yeah..."

"well. what else besides vigilante stuff?"

"i've been trying to get a real job. real um... _contributing member of society_ type stuff."

"sounds boring."

"i need to do something in between volunteer work. i can't live on my savings forever."

"you need a roommate?"

"i've got that covered."

"want another?"

"james..."

"i'm just saying! i still need a place. i don't know what i should be doing anymore. this road trip was the first thing i started planning when i came back."

"well, technically i planned it. are you saying you don't know what to do next after this?"

"well, i did just- yknow. come back from the... but no, yeah, i don't know what comes after this. maybe i should stick to reforming too."

"that's for the best."

"what do you-"

"i mean. after everything that happened..."

"y-yeah."

"yeah..."

"uh, what else?"

"huh?"

"what else are you planning? that maybe i could totally be a part of, hah."

"well. i'm thinking of getting a pet."

"a pet? what kind."

"a rat."

"don't you already- like. you can just play a song and have 100 pet rats."

"no, it's different. i want like... an actual pet rat. plus, fancy rats are specifically bred to be pets. they um. live longer."

"you... can you adopt them? from a shelter?"

"well. they're rats."

"they sure are."

"they're considered exotic pets. so."

"okay... so, what? can we adopt a baby rat pet together? co-parent this shit? i take weekends and you take holidays?"

"you're ridiculous. maybe, yeah."

"what kinda names do you give pet rats? can i name it?"

"i kind of like the name allegro."

"that's a little on the nose, isn't it?"

"no? i mean, maybe. what would you name a pet rat?"

"well, for you? something like. pretty sounding. but also cute. and also dramatic. like moon, or something."

"moon?"

"yeah that's the most hipster type name i could think of."

"...well, i _do_ like it."

"see? i told you. i know you like the back of my hand, hart."

"shut up. stop talking."

"aw lookit you. did i embarrass you? fluster you?"

"eyes on the road, jackass."

* * *

they stop in the middle of the desert. somewhere near the border of arizona and nevada. it's night time, and james only stops to stretch his legs. he's not tired, because they slept in this morning. although, hartley has already drifted off for a nap in the back seat of the car... he's glad he's awake enough to drive at night though, because out in the middle of nowhere, he can see everything the night sky has to offer.

when the sky isn't competing with a city skyline, it is breathtaking. stars are scattered across the sky like some asshole whose name starts with a j threw a glitter bomb at it. 

heh. hartley would've laughed at that joke.

james looks down at his sleeping friend and debates on waking him up. on one hand, hartley is not the person you want to wake up from a nap. on the other hand... he can’t forgive himself if he lets him miss this.

he opens the door closest to where hartley's head is resting and watches him for a minute. james is grateful for this. hartley is sleeping peacefully, undisturbed by the world. no nightmares, no worries. he kneels down and cards his fingers through that soft orange hair, something he's been wanting to do ever since he saw hartley again after resurrecting. 

"you are so special to me."

hartley doesn't stir right away; he brought his earplugs to _this_ road trip. even with them in, though, he can still hear his voice. disorientated, hartley wakes and groans softly. "what...? are we in california yet?"

"not yet. hey, sit up. come out with me for a bit."

hartley is slow as he does so, but eventually, he climbs out of the car and lets james help him out. he's a little dazed as he does so, still sleepy, so james wraps an arm around his shoulders and points up.

"...wow."

"yeah. wow."

they end up laying on the hood of the car. they don't mean to, but they stay there for nearly an hour, staring up at that infinite sky. sometimes they speak, but they mostly sit in comfortable silence. 

james lets his head roll to the side and looks at hartley. 

_i'm so mad i've missed years of doing this. i could do it for the rest of my life._

hartley catches his gaze. for an irrational second, james thinks he may have heard his thoughts with his super hearing. 

"yeah, you're thinking so loud."

"wh- huh? can you actually hear my thoughts?"

"no. but i can read the look on your face. i know you well enough to guess what's on your mind."

that's a little troubling. james doesn't have much if he doesn't have his masks, whether they're literal or not. "well? what's your guess?"

"something hammy as hell, i bet."

"yeah, well... maybe." james tries to get his mind off how flustered he feels by sitting up and hopping off the car. he stretches out, arms up, and lets the tension release from his shoulder blades. he even makes a show of it; giving a groan in relief and allowing his shirt to ride up. he catches hartley staring too.

"what? like what you see?" james laughs lightheartedly. teasing, of course. 

the corner of hartley's mouth turns slightly upwards and he shakes his head. he looks off to the horizon. "it's a nice view."

hartley could have easily been referring to their roadside stop and the gorgeous stars in the sky, but james knows better. and then he comes to the realization that not only is hartley acknowledging his offhand flirting, but is also returning it.

down the rabbit hole, he goes.

james pulls out his phone from his pocket. the screen is cracked and it has a few lines going down it, but it still works. more importantly, the speaker works. he throws on a song and tosses the phone on the hood of the car. then, he holds his hand out to hartley, who is still sitting there. "care for a dance, m'leige?"

"your- what? leige? shut up, weirdo." hartley is smiling as he stands up and takes james' hand, who pulls him in close. one hand holding the other's, and his other hand on his hip.

_"...Around your bare-skin knees and the forsythia leaves. In the shade, lay with me, tickled by the feather reed..."_

james doesn't make a habit of slow dancing with people he's into. then again, there's no one james has ever really liked the way he likes hartley. so he just holds him and sways and hopes that this is romantic. 

hartley doesn't seem to mind his mediocre dancing, at least. his eyes are closed and he's humming along to the song, another from his own playlist that james managed to download to his phone. hartley's free arm snakes around james' back, and he leans in to rest his head on james' shoulder.

they stand there, swaying from side to side, holding each other closely for what feels like hours and hours. one perfect moment frozen in time, lasting forever.

_"...That's where the trees grow old under the ivy's hold as you in my two arms, equally safe from harm..."_

* * *

their motel room in california has two beds.

there's no chain linking them together. nothing keeping them from retiring to separate beds. no obligations, no rush, no fear.

still, james and hartley lay side by side on the same bed, on top of the covers in their sleep clothes.

 _it's so nice to be close to someone who is able to shower daily,_ hartley muses to himself.

james is holding up his phone, watching some video online. he's hardly paying attention, though that's not for a lack of trying. his eyes keep fluttering like he's trying to stay awake. hartley has long since stopped paying attention to whatever cartoon james is watching. (which literally could be any. he's trying to catch up on everything good he's missed.)

soon, james yawns and tosses his phone to the bedside table and rolls onto his side. facing hartley. 

they both lay on their sides facing each other. 

...they've been here before. in a motel room together, facing each other. looking holding their gazes and leaving a thousand thoughts unsaid.

déjà vu.

hartley doesn't want to keep them unsaid anymore. 

he kept his mouth shut before he lost james, and they've both been avoiding talking about their feelings nearly the whole trip. there's slight anxiety in his chest about what comes after the sun rises tomorrow. hartley knows that deadshot isn't hunting them down. there's no train, there's no danger. 

the thought of losing james again is frightening. but the euphoria of having him here again with him makes him feel bold.

"james?"

by now, james has closed his eyes. not asleep yet, but resting his head."yeah, hart?"

"we haven't really talked about. what happened."

"what's there to talk about?"

the words sting, especially knowing that hartley said the same thing when james asked how he was feeling all those years ago. before...

"there's plenty to talk about, james." hartley reaches out and places the pads of his fingers on james' jaw. only then does he open his eyes again. "i've been wondering a lot about that day. when you... jumped in front of me. why? what did you mean when you said. not him?" hartley shakes his head and frowns. there's a familiar stinging in his eyes. this really _is_ just like the last time. "i didn't deserve that- what you did for me. you were right about me, james. i always acted like... like i was better than the rogues. i still do. but what have i _done with my life_ that makes me better than a low life? i'm a disappointment. i disappointed you. i'm sorry."

"woah woah woah woah- hey, piper. hartley. come on." james places both hands on hartley's shoulders and squeezes them firmly. then, as carefully as he can, he rolls hartley on his back so that he's looking up at james. no escape. no looking away. "when did i say that? when did i say you acted like you were better than us?"

hartley's tearful laughter surprises both of them. "after you were shot. so. i-i guess, you didn't really say it. i was in that desert without water for a long time..."

james sighs and leans down. he buries his nose in hartley's hairline and speaks against his forehead. hartley shivers from the feeling of his breath on his skin. he's grateful for the physical contact. 

"you're so stupid."

"what? fuck off-"

james threads his fingers into hartley's hair and combs through it, something he's been doing a lot ever since their first day on the road. "it's not about deserving, hartley. i didn't save you because i thought you were a good person who deserved to be saved- even though _you are._ " he looks down and finds hartley's gaze. and holds his cheek to keep it. "it wouldn't've mattered if you were a good person or a bad person. i wanted to protect you because i cared about you."

a pause. hartley watches james' adam's apple bob in his throat. "i still care. a lot."

in what feels like slow motion, james angles up hartley's face with the hand that's still on his cheek and presses their lips together. sweet, but ever persistent. it tastes like the honey-roasted peanuts james had for a snack after he brushed his teeth. 

that thought lingers in his head when the kiss breaks, which is why he thinks he's laughing softly to himself. 

"hey. you're not allowed to laugh at me until i've delivered a punchline."

he can't (doesn't want to) protest further after hartley pulls him down for another kiss. a kiss that's an invitation and a request: i am open. i am vulnerable. have me and keep me safe as you've always had.

james answers: i've got you, i know you've got me. everything will be okay.

they kiss until they're both breathless. james wipes away the last remaining tears from earlier. they're replaced by red cheeks that hurt from smiling. he's looking up at james as if he hangs the stars at night. being looked at that way makes him glad he's laying down because his knees are starting to feel weak. "i tried to keep your arm, you know. for a funeral."

"huh?"

"your arm. you have that scar there. i cut off your arm after a while so i could keep moving. i didn't want to leave your body behind, but i was afraid of dying. so i thought if i kept your arm, it'd be okay... i'd have something to bury or cremate. but i lost it on apokolips. so... i'm sorry. about that."

"you're a brilliant little freak, you know that, right hartley?"

hartley's smile is small as he nods. "i love you."

there's no doubt in his mind that hartley hears his heart skip a beat. his head feels heavy, so he lets it drop. right next to hartley's. "i love you too. obviously." it comes out easier than he thought it would. 

"obviously."

"heh."

"well. find a better way to show it that won't get you killed. please."

"i will. promise. we have all the time in the world."

hartley feels as if the phrase should bring him anxiety, but it doesn't. james has promised him better days before that were only taken away from them in the end. it's been a long time since the promise of a new day hasn't scared the shit out of him. 

but he's here now. with him. they're safe, _we're safe and we're in love_.

james kisses him again and again until he falls asleep. legs tangled with each other and arms wrapped firmly around his midsection. hartley manages to pull the blanket over the two of them and kiss james' smile one more time before he closes his eyes too.

the future is uncertain, but he's not alone. 

they're going to find a happier tomorrow together.

**Author's Note:**

> [a litany / heart swells by los campesinos](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDs7PpC0AWw)  
> also the song that hartley sings in the beginning: [songs about your girlfriend](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxyAwjlD3Ck)  
> as well as the one he and james dance to near the end: [to tundra](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o79CTzvWFjQ)  
> (this one may sound like a slow love song but it's also about death. fitting!)


End file.
